Why PMS is the key to your Power
Image: Malicki Beser via Unsplash
If you’ve ever felt tetchy, pissed off, negative, critical, irritable or just gah! with the world in the lead up to your period, you’re not alone. PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) is a collection of symptoms that, according to the Mayo Clinic, affects around 3 in every 4 women. The world we’ve grown up in has labelled the premenstrual woman as irrational, moody and changeable. Sitcoms of the past were laden with eye rolls (usually from men) with sentences like, ‘she must be about to get her period’. It is also one of the most misunderstood phases of the menstrual cycle.
PMS symptoms can be physical (like tender breasts), mental (like anxiety) or emotional (like anger) and there’s not really a clear medical cause for it. Of course, our hormones are affected by what we eat, how we sleep and what we nourish our bodies with, but they can also be affected by intangible things like stress. What I’ve seen (and experienced) to be true, is that often, where there are PMS symptoms, there’s also a lot to be uncovered in the psyche.
Women have a million and one roles to play and rights we continue to have to fight for. Paired with living in a world that isn’t built with a menstrual cycle in mind, the reasons behind PMS symptoms becomes so much clearer.
One of the things I do as a menstrual cycle coach, is to go behind the surface level symptoms like irritability, criticism and moodiness in the premenstrual phase to the heart of the matter. What is labelled as irritability is often a deep need to establish boundaries. Criticism is another face of discernment. Moodiness an expression of constantly having to play small.
A male friend told me once about watching his wife give birth and said that, in that moment, he understood why women have been so suppressed for so many years. He said he’d never seen so much power in a human, and as awe-some as it was, it was also terrifying.
Women expressing knowledge about the body, nature and the earth were called witches. Those who enjoyed sex, shamed and called sluts. Even today, women in business who reach the top are known as ballbreakers and bitches. Many of us adopt the structure of working 9-5, taking more than our share of duties around the house and childcare, and, for the most part, we take it in our stride. And this works for some time because our cycles allow it.
The first half of our cycles is a phase of dynamism, where our hormones are rising and we have an ever-increasing amount of energy and tolerance. But after ovulation, the hormonal balance abruptly changes and with it, our outlook. The feel-good hormone, oestrogen, has left the building and we become tired and heavy.
The tolerance for having to repeat the same thing to customers over and over again disappears. Being able to work, walk the dog, cook dinner and put the kids toys away without even thinking about it is gone. Handling so many social engagements becomes a chore. We start to nitpick, criticise and find blame in everything and everyone. And when we’re not able to express ourselves or dig into these feelings safely, they come out in an explosion of PMS.
Feelings of wanting to leave your relationship, quit your job and burn everything down to the ground is an expression of unexpressed feelings and desires.
Women and men alike tend to be scared about PMS, because it’s not easy to understand. It’s dark and shadowy. But darkness is only an absence of light, and as soon as we start to allow some in, things start to ease up. The sore breasts can be reduced by knowing how to adjust your diet after ovulation and create boundaries allowing you to sleep earlier, so that your hormones can rebalance. The negative inner critic that haunts you can become your BFF when you know how to redirect its energy.
There is so much power, self-kindness, compassion and wisdom to be found in the premenstrual phase. It’s time to change the perception of women being irrational and cranky and unfit to make decisions, and allow us to be ourselves. Powerful, creative and dynamic.
If you struggle with PMS, start journalling or making a note of what it is that’s coming up for you. What exactly are you angry about? Where’s the tiredness coming from? There’s wisdom in those feelings and once you know how, you can work it all to your advantage. I’ve get plenty of tips for you via my mailing list which you can sign up to below, or you can find out about menstrual cycle coaching.